It’s no secret that divorce is a highly stressful life event. It hits you in every angle. In terms of finances, you spend thousands on court hearings. In terms of personal relationships, you grow apart from your kids. In terms of emotional health, you hate your ex-spouse to the core. There’s so much tension in this single life decision. But the truth is, there’s a way to avoid all the drama: choosing to shake off the negativity and soaking your mind in positivity. You might have little to no control over divorce fees or the children’s resentment, but you have full control over your response to these challenges. If you want to make your divorce less painful, embrace these mantras moving forward:
“I blame no one for the failure of my marriage.”
You’ll be able to accept reality better and move on with life if you don’t harbor or assign guilt to anyone. You should remind yourself every day that you’re not responsible for the breakdown of your relationship, and It’s not your partner, either. It’s difficult to embrace this when there was infidelity or a lack of financial support, but if you focus on these factors, you’ll end up blaming yourself. He cheated because you weren’t emotionally available. She wasted money because you didn’t give her the freedom she craved. Everything that happened in the course of your relationship points back to your and your spouse’s choices, so you can’t blame just one party. If you can embrace this perspective (and hopefully share it with your soon-to-be-ex), you might achieve an amicable divorce, one that doesn’t need litigation. You might want to consider mediation instead.
“What’s most important now is my kids’ welfare.”
Matters that concern children are perhaps the most stressful in divorce cases. In most instances, couples start a petty conflict, painting one another as a neglectful parent, to get full custody. Regardless of your relationship with your former partner, your children deserve to love and feel loved by the other parent. Taking that away from them will be detrimental to their psychological health. Instead of making full custody your goal, prioritize your children’s welfare. If that means spending every Sunday with the other parent, then so be it. If that means paying full child support (and cutting back on some splurges), then commit to it. Remember that there are special exceptions. If your ex is really unfit and your child’s life will be in danger, then you should exhaust all options for full custody. Talk to a reputable family lawyer in Denver. You can narrow down your options to practitioners who specialize in custody matters.
“The opinions of others are none of my business.”
Your ex might think of you as crazy, dumb, and downright unattractive. Your in-laws probably blame you for hurting their child. Some of your relatives might see you as a failure. None of these should get into your head. You have no control over these things, so why bother thinking about them? If you find yourself in the middle of these self-defeating thoughts, counter them with reasons why you’re not like that.
Is your divorce taking a toll on your well-being? If so, change the way you think. Embrace these mantras to make your life transition a little less painful.